favorites?

 Am I the only one who never really sat down and thought about their favorite things? you know, those things people ask you about when they're trying to get to know you? ive never actually sat down and thought about it because, honestly, i dont really have favourite things. i have favorite people and i guess thats a hell of a lot different.

I have Borderline Personality disorder as well as Bipolar disorder. i mean, you can obviously tell im a crazy person by what i write anyways so what surprise is it that im confirming it? i mean, those obviously arent my only diagnoses but theyre the major ones. I have a habit of collecting illnesses. so my mom says. its just nice to have a better understanding of what the fuck is going on in my head. its nice to have a name for it, for the madness. it means that im not the only one who thinks like this. its impossible. 

but anyways, with BPD i read that the person who has it often changes their personality to fit the person they're with. and when i read that, i realised it was true for when i was younger, now that im older not so much. im still a version of myself, i just choose which attributes to amplify or quiet down depending on who im around. survival instincts if you'll call it i guess. 

I mean i guess i cant say i was never genuine? i was just me the best way i knew how. recently moving up north and being alone with just my kid and my thoughts have given me a chance to, i dont know, establish who i am as a person? does that make sense? im bascially playing that catchup to everyone else with things people knew in fucking kindergarten already. like bro, i couldnt even fucking decide on a favorite color and im still not completely convinced. i have different reasons for liking each color so i usually just tell people my least favourite. 

i dont even really have a favourite food, my relationship with food is prettyfuckingbad. bad as in i dont eat? i dont know....

well im gonna stop here cuz i got distracted by the loves of my life; BTS.