What?

 So, obviously, not very good at these titles over here. but like it matters. no one is actually reading this. i'm currently writing this post on my cracked screen, messed up keyboard, used to be expensive, laptop. They're "minor" fixes i guess, but they still cost money i dont have. 

something popped into my head just now that my mom has told me repeatedly. "you're a mom now, dress/act like one." what does that even mean? Does who I am die when i gave birth to my son? did Adri die the day i gave birth? do i, adri, the person no longer exist? am i only, adri, the mother and thats it? no room for anything else? that also begs the question what will happen when my son grows up and doesnt need me anymore? who will i be then? what will my purpose be? with the way she thinks, thats the way it will go. I dont think that way. i can be Adri the mom but still be me at the same time..

who says the two can't coexist? i cant grasp that kind of mentality that a woman give all of herself to her kids. I mean, i suppose that does end up happening but i feel like its also important to save a tiny bit of yourself for you. like writing in a journal or something. somewhere you can unload your thoughts and still be you. 

My son turned out to be my best friend so it doesnt matter either way. and we still have far to go he's only 4 after all.